Why some people win… (and some people lose)
Read Time: 7 Minutes
Welcome to Kaizen Culture, your weekly newsletter where I deliver valuable tips, tools, and guidance to help you create freedom, abundance, and positive change in your life.
Join us every Saturday morning for holistic cheat codes that will accelerate your improvement both personally and professionally.
What you can expect today:
- 1 Topic: Why some people win, and some people lose
- 1 Tip: How to win more often in life (mirror principle)
- 1 Takeaway: The most impactful thing I have ever learned
- 1 Thought: What surprised the Dalai Lama
- 1 Tribute: From darkness to light (meet Gavin)
Today’s Topic: Why some people win, and some people lose
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“There is only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving, and this is your own self”
Aldous Huxley
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Have you ever wondered why some people “win”, while others “lose”?
Winning and losing are subjective, but I would say that everyone wants some if not all of the following:
- to be happy
- to be free financially
- to feel sexy and energetic
- to live a dream life on their terms
Don’t you want to be constantly making progress, and feeling fulfilled in your life?
So why do some people have those results while others don’t? I had to find out.
Here’s what I found:
Some people are happy, living abundant lives, with great relationships, and are in great shape year round.
Other people are miserable, living paycheck to paycheck, in toxic relationships, plus feel and look unhealthy.
There are some people that others call “lucky” – they just seem to always be winning in their life.
At the same time some people call themselves “unlucky” – they can’t seem to catch a break.
A person who is overweight loses 50+ lbs, just to gain it all back – another wins the lottery, just to go broke a few years later.
Are some people really just more fortunate or blessed than others?
Was it because they were raised a certain way, or carry a certain “gene” that makes them one way or the other?
It’s none of those things, actually.
What if I told you that there is ONE cause of every effect in your life? It determines the results you get, and the life you live.
It’s the image of yourself in your mind.
Everywhere you go, there you are.
The way you look at yourself, determines the way everything outside of you looks.
The problem? Most people aren’t actually aware of that self image, of the character they are playing on the worlds stage.
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“It’s like everyone tells a story about themselves inside their own head. Always. All the time. That story makes you what you are. We build ourselves out of that story.”
Patrick Rothfuss
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Your self image (also known as Identity) controls your life just as your mind automatically controls your heartbeat. You don’t think about it, but it happens in the background.
There is a universal law that explains this concept : The Law of Correspondence = your outer world (reality) is a reflection of your inner world (your internal state).
This Law makes it easy to identify what is going on internally, based on your external experience.
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“The outer conditions of a person’s life will always be found to be harmoniously related to his inner state…Men do not attract that which they want, but that which they are.”
James Allen
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Your self image is stored in your subconscious mind. This means it isn’t something you are “conscious” or “aware” of. That is, until you do the work to make it conscious.
The second you change the inner self image, everything outside of you will begin to change. To rebuild this identity is to rebuild our life.
You might be thinking, is this true? (it is by the way)
What is my self image? If you are wondering what self image you have, it isn’t hard to figure it out.
All you have to do is look at the results in the various areas of your life:
- How much money do you make? Do you live paycheck to paycheck, or are you becoming wealthy?
- How are your relationships? Do you have loving, trusting, and fulfilling relationships or are you getting cheated on, being unfaithful, or being abused?
- What does your body look like? Are you in great shape, or do you get squeamish at the thought of taking off your clothes in front of a mirror or other people?
- How does your life feel? Does it feel like you are just going through the motions, same shit different day? Or does it feel like you are tapped into the universe, blessed, and living with purpose?
How is your self image impacting your life?
One of the biggest mistakes that everyone makes is trying to change something outside of themselves, vs something on the inside:
- Trying to change their income
- Trying to change their relationship
- Trying to change the way their body looks
- Trying to change other people, or the way “the world works”
It’s never going to happen without changing how you view yourself on the inside. The world is a mirror, and the reflection you see is you.
So, how do we update our self image?
Today’s Tip: How to win more often in life (mirror principle)
After studying this for many years, I have used these strategies successfully many times.
- From deathly scrawny, to being big & brawny.
- From a careless stoner, to a successful young man.
- From earning $8/hr to earning $40+/hr a year later, to then earning $100+/hr, and so on.
HellI am using it right now to become the version of me that earns $100k+/month, and reaches millions of people with my work.
Here’s how it works:
Strategy #1: Environment
- Stop associating with people who don’t match your ideal self image.
- Get yourself out of environments that keep you chained to the person you’ve been.
- Associate with People who have a Self Image that is comparable to who you want to be
- Put yourself in environments that match the person you want to become, or life you want to live.
If a drug addict want’s to quit drugs, does it make sense for him to be at the trap house or around drug addicts? No.
Strategy #2: Act as If
- Make radical new changes to “shake up” your life & self image.
- Adopt new behaviors, increase your levels of activity, ingest new information, etc.
- What got you here, won’t get you there. Start practicing being the new you any chance you get.
How does this new version of you act, dress, think, and feel? Like an actor, become the new character.
Strategy #3: Focus
- Remove things that no longer serve you if you are aware they need to go.
- Focus ALL of your energy on what you want to be, do, & have – not on the things you no longer want.
They make windshields bigger than rearview mirrors for a reason. Focus on where you are going, and keep your eyes on the road ahead.
Strategy #4: Change Your Story
- Recreate the story you tell yourself about yourself.
- Repetition, and consistency of the other strategies over time.
- Create, look for, and celebrate evidence of the changes you are making often.
As mentioned, you are only limited by the stories you tell yourself. Make them more like fairytales, than nightmares.
Today’s Takeaway: The most impactful thing I have ever learned
With todays topic I wanted to pass along some resources that have changed my life forever.
There books taught me what I talked about here today, and have given me the tools to do anything I want with my life.
- Psychocybernetics – Considered the “bible” of self improvement. You will never forget reading this book.
- As a Man Thinketh – A short read that will teach you everything you need to know about how your mind works, and why certain things happen in your life.
- The Power of Awareness – This book is incredibly deep, and talks about how to use your God given creative gift to manifest your reality. Have an open mind, or let it open yours.
Today’s Thought: What surprised the Dalai Lama
The Dalai Lama is the highest spiritual leader and head of Tibetan Buddhism.
One day he was asked what surprised him the most about humanity. His answer?:
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“Man. Because he sacrifices his health in order to make money. Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health. Then, he is so anxious about the future, that he does not enjoy the present. The result being that he does not live in the present, or the future, therefore he lives as if he is never going to die, and then dies having never really lived.”
The Dalai Lama
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Ouch. This was eye opening. I remember reading this years ago, and from time to time I revisit it.
This is why I believe in Holistic living, and “success”.
Finding harmony in the way the world works, while staying true to what really matters: love, faith, compassion, and contribution.
What are your thoughts on this quote? Reply and let me know!
Today’s Tribute: From darkness to light (meet Gavin)
Each week I am going to give a tribute to someone special:
- A member in the community
- Impactful people in my life
- One of my clients kicking ass
This week, meet my good friend (& basically little brother) Gavin.
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Story time: I met Gavin back in 2023 in a bathroom at a rave. I was washing my hands and in the mirror I caught a glimpse of a bad ass tattoo on the back of this dude next to me. Immediately I had intuition nudge me to talk to him… “you need to speak to him.”
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Next thing you know for the remainder of the year I built a deep relationship with Gavin. He is one of those people that just seems “special”.
Through our time of getting to know each other I realized Gavin was struggling with things I had in the past:
- Substance abuse
- Toxic relationships & patterns with Women
- A general feeling of being “lost” in life, and tempted to go down a dark path.
What happened next blew my mind.
I invited Gavin to attend a Men’s retreat in California with me. In fact, one just like what I am running this August.
During this retreat we would be doing some deep work to improve our relationship with ourselves, and understanding how to be better Men.
One 3 Day retreat including 2 Nights of Ayahuasca later, and Gavin had done a 180.
He found his purpose. He broke the cycle and desire for substance abuse. He got over a rough breakup, and found more love for himself.
I couldn’t be prouder.
Gavin just began his training as a massage therapist, and is on a whole new path in life.
If you are looking for an experience to transform your life, join my waiting list for the next retreat.
Top Video This Week:
Why it’s hard to focus (the trick I needed)
In this video we talk about why it’s so hard to focus nowadays, and the one trick that helped me.
I’ve dealt with ” ADHD “, and overwhelm from lack of focus, and when I heard what I am sharing – everything changed for me.
When you’re ready, here are 3 ways I can help you:
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You can reply directly to this email with any questions, wins, or thoughts you had this week.
Thank you for joining me this week.
With love, support, & gratitude,
Riley Conder
“It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop.” – Confucius
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